Here youth leaders, parents and young people can ask a team of experts questions about issues facing youth.

Here youth leaders, parents and young people can ask a team of experts questions about issues facing youth.

Q&A
I am involved with the youth at my church. We are a new Baptist church and do not have a youth director. Our church is situated between several government housing projects, bars, and liquor stores. The Lord has put us here to minister and evengelize to these people.
My question is this: The youth are very uncontrollable. They have no discipline or manners taught in the home. Most of the time they seem to not understand that their behavior is unacceptable. They just don't know how to function in a group of people.
What would be some proper discipline procedures to use in the classroom and activities? What have you found to be workable? I would not consider sending a child out of church, but they disrupt the entire service to the dismay of the congregation. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Brad Savory
Winchester , Ky.

Answer from Tom Baker, youth minister at Lakeview Baptist Church in Hickory, N.C.

First let me congratulate you and your church for the challenging work that you are undertaking with the youth from the surrounding area. You will find it to be very challenging but also extremely rewarding and the Lord will bless your efforts in very suprising ways.
I had much the same type of experience in working in the inner city of Louisville in the early 80's. Try this and see what you think. It worked for me but it will take time and consistency. The kids you are working with are desperately starved for attention and to know that somebody cares about them.
At your first meeting share with all of the kids your expectations for their behavior. Let them know that you will respect them and their comments but they must be willing to do the same for you. You show respect for each other and for yourself by listening to whoever is talking and giving them your undivided attention and not interrupting whoever is speaking. Help them to see that everyone's opinions and comments are important. Treat them with respect and your attention when they are speaking and they will do the same for you.
Pick out the one or two ringleaders and take them out for a coke and spend some time getting to know them on a personal basis. Let them know that you need their help and are counting on them to help others in the group to learn to show respect for each other.
When one of the kids act up call him down at the time but don't embarrass him. After the meeting make a special point to speak to him on a one-to-one basis and let them know how disappointed you were in their behavior and know that they will not let it happen again.
If one person keeps interrupting you may have to ask him to leave and he is not to come back until you have met with him one on one.
Use lots of praise when the group does well and tell them so. Surprise them with a special treat or trip after they start doing really good. Show respect and spend time with them outside of church. Go and see them play their games and school activities. It will pay off because they will see you as a person who really does care about them, plus they will see Christ in you.
Brad, try this and let me hear back from you as to how things are going. I want to help and you are in my prayers.

Lakeitha Murphy
Kinston, N.C.

Answer from Bill Reboli, program director at Kennedy Home in Kinston, a service of Baptist Children's Homes of NC. Reboli is a certified marriage and family therapist.

It is not typical for an 11 year old to be "obsessed" with sex. They are naturally curious about gender issues but if your child is truly obsessed with sexuality, it indicates a learned or acquired interest in the opposite sex that normally comes a couple years later. That she has this level of interest now could be a red flag. You should consider exploring that obsession to find its roots. Has she been subjected or exposed to adult sexual behavior?

If the child is simply asking questions about sex and those questions are mistaken for "obsession with sex," the mother should be commended for having an open relationship that enables her child to explore those issues confidently at an early age.

Typically, an 11 year old would have a playful attitude toward the opposite sex. Once past the adolescent "hate" of boys, their attentions should reflect more of a "puppy love," not a graphic sexual awareness.

I encourage you to talk to your child and share biblical concepts of love with her, such as passages from Romans 4 and I Corinthians 13:1-6. Help her understand the difference between love and sex. And by all means, help her find interesting things to occupy her mind and time, and put her interest in the opposite sex on a slower track.

I would also encourage all parents to keep televisions and VCRs and Internet access out of children's rooms. They should be in common areas of the house which enables parents to monitor activity.

More Q&A columns

Ask your own Youth Q&A question.

For Weather,
Enter City
AND
State (NC)